Needed and Known

How to value your values?

July 07, 2021 Cassandra Roberts Season 1 Episode 7
Needed and Known
How to value your values?
Show Notes Transcript

"Do you know your values?"

It was the simplest question. I know my personality types on a handful of tests and personal exams, but VALUES? I was stumped.

Values always sounded like something handed down to me. A generational gift I inherited and had no voice in. But the reality is so much better.

In this episode, I walk you through the value that a simple conversation had on my life and I will walk you through finding your values.

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Hey friend, it's Cassandra and this is needed and known the podcast. We discover how to transform average moments into a great life by learning, growing, and becoming better humans together. I interview amazing. Wait, wait, wait. But today we're not doing that today. I am sharing this awesome thing that I discovered with you for the first time ever. Welcome me to my show. What are your values? Chastity, just like that. What are your values? Like? I don't know what my values are. Do you know what your values. I didn't know, the questions seemed so obvious, but I was sitting there and dumbfounded. I have this reciprocal coaching call with a friend of mine once a month, where we check in on one another. And there's always a level of homework, a deeper question that we take into the following weeks to evaluate and learn and grow and report back the next month. But my values, I hadn't really thought of them. Listen, I've got a life mission statement goals for the next 10, five and two years. But I couldn't easily name my top three values. I also know my Myers-Briggs my top five Clifton StrengthsFinder strengths. My Enneagram. I can tell you all of this, but my values. Okay. So then I sat there for two weeks hoping that they would magically come to me. They didn't, I decided to start with the definition of values. Okay. So I'm going to share it with you. And you're going to go to sleep ready. Values are internalized cognitive structures, that guide choices by evoking, a set of basic principles of right and wrong priorities and willingness to make meaning and see patterns. Basically values are the lens through which you see the world. This is why when a foundational core. That set of value. Like maybe a family member said we are family first, or our religion told you to live your life a certain way, and that gets shifted or changed in your life. It can leave you feeling lost and confused. I knew how much having a personal mission statement for my life had helped me to evaluate things. So I. My friend had mentioned that it was her therapist that had her do a similar exercise years before, after a big life change. So I decided to read about what psychologists have to say about values. And as it turns out, they have a lot to say there is a significant gain to be made by knowing your values. The two that stood out to me. We're number one, bringing them from subconsciousness into consciousness. Makes them more alive to you. You are a more aware of them. I can now tell you my three values and I can look at situations in my life and say, oh, I did that. Or I made that choice because these are my values. It's also had an unintended consequence where I can use my values to make a decision on something I feel wishy-washy about or uncertainty. I have learned to make decisions based on my values. I value these things the most. And so that helps me to make a decision where we should go to eat or what we should do for a family vacation. My input instead of being kind of open and blahzay is a lot more directed. I'm not stuck in it because. My values, allow me to see different perspectives. Now I can see more clearly the lens through which I see the world. So that's the first one. The second thing that psychologist brought to my attention via the internet, a very reliable source is that knowing your values can also bring about optimism. So I know my values and therefore it gives me. A positive outlook on life because I have sort of a solid foundation and that helps you to be optimistic. And then that optimism also. Leads to being a healthier person. I'm not saying I work out right now, we're working on that baby steps. Right. But what I am saying is that all of the hormones and everything that comes from being optimistic helps you to potentially live a better life and to do all kinds of wonderful things. So those were two unexpected things that came from my friend. Simple question. What are your values? Okay. So I am going to give you five little steps to help you figure out your values. If you do not know them. And if you think you know them, I would encourage you to do this exercise that I came up with because it's super fun. If you're a nerd like me, if you're listening to this, you're a nerd like me. So do this exercise. I want to know what your results are. So the first thing that you're going to do is you're going to write down all of the topics that you value. So I wrote down a few examples. These aren't necessarily mine, but these are ones that I could hear you having. So things like security, relationships, learning, family beauty write down everything that you value and yes, beauty is on the list. You know why? Because you might really value that being and feeling beautiful might be important to you. I have, I actually have the word beauty in my, my personal mission statement and it bothered me for the longest time I wanted to change it. I wanted, I looked at all the synonyms in the world and do you know what I realized? I have that in there because. I see things beautifully now because I want to be beautiful or it has nothing to do with me, but I believe that we live in a really beautiful world and I want to make sure that that is in my mission statement. So if that's important to you, there is no shame. It is fine to appreciate beauty and to value beauty, right? If you want to pick to Haiti over. I don't want to any of the Northern states to get upset with me. So let's just say somewhere, not attractive compared to Tahiti, which is, let's be honest, lung places. That's okay. That's an okay. Value to have, so, okay, here, I'm gonna write them all down. If you need to pause this, go ahead. I'll wait. I'm just going to here. I literally have my hand on my face. Just waiting for you. I'm assuming that you wrote them all down or you're going to relisten to the whole thing. You're going to pause me there. Okay. So the next thing that you're going to do is you're going to take this list I had, I had between 16 and 20 values. You might have more, you might have less, if you don't have at least 10, I would say you need to write a few more. And, and you can ask people that you go ask your best friend. What are things that you think I value. I would encourage you to think about, so let's say you want to pick a person. I value my daughter. I don't have a daughter. So that's a weird example. I value my, my kids. What is it about that that I value? Do I value the relationship? Do I value You know, raising them, do I value teaching them? What do I really value in that? As opposed to an actual person or an object, I would still stay away from those kinds of things personally, because you want a wider lens. Okay. So you've got more than 10 things on your list. I want you to look at the list. And I want you to see what is not going to make the cut. If you look at this list, there's a few that are standing out to you that you think, oh, that might be the one. Remember there's no right or wrong answer. You don't have to tell anybody. I would like to know if you want to tell me privately, I can keep things to myself. I'm notorious for that. But I would love to know. I would love for you to mark out the, the ones that you're like, gosh, that's just not going to, that's not going to even make it. Okay. So you've marked out any of the big ones. You can pause me if you have so many, if you have so many that you have none on your list and we're about to start over, you can go right back to one. Okay. So you've got this list of ones that you think that are gonna be. So the third thing that you're going to do is you're going to compare the top one on your list to the second one on your list. Okay. So you've got an a and B option. So in the example, topics that are done security and relationships, right? So you're comparing the first one in the second one. And when you look at those two, I want you to ask yourself which of the. Do I truly value which one if I have, you know, my personality is about to be altered and I had to pick one of these two things. I can't have security and relationships.

Which 1:

00 AM I going to pick? Am I going to pick being in a super secure place, but all by myself? With no connection to outside, or am I going to be in a super social place where I feel very vulnerable? What of those two? So I would make a dramatic example of the two. What does security mean versus relationships? And if I had to choose, what would I choose? So then you're going to do the same thing, but you're going to keep the second one. So you're going to compare. I'm labeling them alphabetically, but you know, you can do just one and two. So we just compared one and two. Now you're going to compare two and three. So that's going to be on my example, list, relationships and learning. Right. So now I'm saying, okay, I can be. You know, I can have all these great relationships, but I'm not learning. And for me, I associate learning and growing. So I'm not learning and growing, but I'm in all these relationships or do I value learning more learning and growing, but I'm not really connecting with people or I'm connecting with lots of people, but I'm not learning and growing. That's a tough one. I don't feel comfortable publicly making that answer because I don't know. Okay. And then you're just going to keep going. You're going to go through the whole list of what you have left. And you're going to compare them now. Step five. So step four was to compare the second one to the third one. And so on step five, you're going to take. The ones with two or more check marks and bracket them again until you have three to five. So right now you're looking at your list and you compared your first one and your second one, and then your second one, your third one, maybe both times relationships came up and that kind of check mark. If you have any with two check marks, those are probably pretty important to you. If that doesn't give you enough to have three to five, because you've checked so many singularly, then I would look at the ones that you didn't check at all, cross those out. So now you've only got the ones with check marks on them. And then you're going to bracket those again. You're going to do the same thing where you compare the top one in the second one. So cross out all the ones that didn't get any compare with Latin next, and keep going through until you have three to five. And if you have any questions about this, feel free to shoot me an email. But I think I explained it well, but don't we always, so And I'm recommending three to five, not for any other reason than three to five. Things is a number you can sustainably memorize. So if you ever wondered why we break phone numbers up into sets of three and four digits. You get three digits, three digits, four digits. If you ever wondered why we do that? The reason is that's what your brain can, can hold. You can hold about that many numbers in a group so I can memorize an area code and then I can memorize the first three and then I can remember rise the next four. So that's why I recommend three to five. Not because it's anything magical, but because I don't forget my values. I know them because I can remember that if you had 15 values, Maybe you're amazing. You can remember them. You could just have stopped listening a while ago, but I would say. You're going to have a harder time remembering those. If you're an average human, if you're a, an above average human, then maybe you can memorize all 15. That sounds exhausting. It sounds like an exhausting way to, to waste your amazing memory. I would get it down to three to five. There's nothing wrong with the other values. It doesn't mean you don't have them. It doesn't mean you don't value. You know, again, in my, my example of security security actually was one of the ones that I wrote down. But you know, when I start comparing. Being secure, but all by myself versus other things, I'm like, wow. You know, I, I guess I don't value security that much. And I think that's another thing that came out of doing this values exercise is that I realized, oh, okay. I care about all these things, but when I weigh them against other things, these are the top three things I care about. So I'm going to do this. I will share. My top three values with you. If you tell me yours, that's right. If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine. So you can go to needed and Or you can check the link in the show notes. And then I want you to tell me your values. And if you tell me and, you know, leave your, you have to leave your email address anyway, on the only person who sees it, I will tell you my values and it will become very clear to you immediately. Why needed a known as a podcast? So that's that the other thing is if you can get a friend to. I will tell you it's also very fun or you can try guessing there's which no other personality tests would ever recommend. And this is, I'm not saying this is a personality test. I'm just saying it's something to think about. Because for example, my husband values experiences. He loves to do memorable things and he uses that value to make decision. So he will want to spend money on things that I think are not important or I'm not interested in, but because it creates a memorable experience he will be all in and I, I. Think of it the same way. And so this has given me a way to be more empathetic to him for things that I don't see the same way, because he's looking at it through a lens of experience, this is a memorable experience. We need to do this. And you know, then I get in with my nerd talk and like bring him back down and we, we balance each other out. So that's great. So when you think about your nearest friends and families, Does anyone have a value that you can see from them? Is there anyone that you're like, oh, you know, when we talk about this, I definitely can see that, you know, let me know, let me know how you finish that sentence. Thank you for being a great listener and helping me feel needed. Want to talk more about values between episodes. Follow me on Instagram as needed and known for more information about this episode and all the others go to needed and Or check the show notes until you need me next time. Bye.